I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize