You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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