is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
