Who wears a wallet chain?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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