So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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