You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have feelings that need drinking.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
