sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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