He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
