i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
