you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
