At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
