im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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