just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the condom got lost in my hair
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
