Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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