Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
