i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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