Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
