Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
