I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
