Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
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