"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
