Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
