My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
