My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
