i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
