Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We left the knife in your bed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
