4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
