2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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