do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
