she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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