I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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