oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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