just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
