her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
