Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
