i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
