New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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