I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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