capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
