"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
