forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
