Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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