If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
