I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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