You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
