At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
