Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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