he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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