Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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