he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
