Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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