I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
