God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just pee around me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
