forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
