I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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