another moral hangover. fuck.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
