I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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