I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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