hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
