Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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