bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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