hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We had sex on a dog bed..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
