is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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