Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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