I want to stick my p in your. b.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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