I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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