one might say we're banned from that church
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
