omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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