You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
