I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
