It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
